153. Times

I can see you're laughing you're smiling...

You can tell me.. it's not a big deal..

You told me that you've been in this situation

But.. there's a different, don't you sense it?

Don't tell me you've been through.

'coz the situation you experienced, I experienced too.

In fact, that's not the same.

Talk always easier than do...

Don't keep asking me "how? what's the next..."
Why ask me in this moment?

Don't you see, I'm trying my best to calm down? v.v
Don't you see, my instability?

I just need some times to figure it out...

Can you try to understand? i just need TIMES

I can't tell you I'm okay because I'm not.

P.S:
Thanks a girl who comfort me, 
listen to me and told me her experience as well. 
You truly understand me.. thanks.
As you said, 
few days later i will be fine.
And move forward soon.

152. need to heal and return

I predict the worst situation that I might having. But I don't know it would be that bad. Yes, I told myself I'm strong enough to take it. And I will be. But it's just takes me some times to reach there. And I need to figure it out how.
I was shocked and stunned. What am I suppose to do the next? I just automatically pause here. Stand at no way. Mood messed up. I screwed up my life. Am I not trying my best? Am i just way too stupid?
Such a huge blow. It's really affected my life a lots. Are this all arranged by GOD? A punishment? or a big challenge to me? I wanted to fight on. But I'm scared, terrified. I've been trained to turn all the awful, bad things in my life off. I always run from those. Afraid of all those things. But i still can't escape. Still happened and ruin my life again. I hate it.
ashamed? feel so hurt. I thought it's not a big deal. But it is.
I still wanna run from this cruel reality...... Please my GOD, helps me! i have to be strong enough to face it. I need the spirit! i need the powers to overcomes... 

151. 堅強﹒我的朋友

發生得太突然了

看見你的心倘著血 我的心也很痛
 就因爲你平時 很會為別人着想 很努力 很堅強 很懂事

所以更心疼你 想安慰你

但 我不知道該怎麽做

真的 真的…… 希望

你坚强着 好好的 健健康康的 快快樂樂的

你永遠是他的骄傲 他的安慰

你和家人永远是他的最愛

他會默默地 守護你和你家人

保佑你们的

所以 你要好好愛你自己 照顾好自己 還有照顧你家人

那麽他也會很欣慰的

加油 我的朋友

會永遠在你身邊支持你 珍惜你 愛你

記得堅強點  一切都會好起來的

a hug for you, my dear.